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ss, chinese and english papers today. i am positive that i am going to fail ss. after school went bowling, not really that fun but it was okay cause every was tired. went home and use come till now. i am lazy to write. not in the mood. it is okay that i don't write anyway. i still can't find the time to replie other people tags. never mind they will forget it anyway.
i am breaking slowly. bit by bit. in small pieces. i close my eyes. i wonder how long am i going to last.
shall not blog this few days cause i will be or rather i am quite busy.:D let it rock
the day went as usual, lessons and more lessons, went to westmall alone wait for vivien and rou xuan, cab home with vivien. then i took a shower, went to tution, study study study. then go to wei ting's house for steamboat. wai hian kris maine liyar ryan weijie or weijian derrick and me.
it is okay, not as fun as last time. still it was great. i ate lesser than usual, weird and found put i was not feeling too good. played ryan poker cards with wai hian and weijieorweijian, goldfish, by luck and one more whatever that was. the rest played majong expect the late comers liayr and maine they sat and eat and cook for us!:D tired went to the playground and play. i sat on the rocking chair, i think, and play by myself. talk to liyar, took photos and went home,a bit earlier then the last time. i have been eating steamboat for all of the saturdays in three weeks. i am getting abit sick of it. Zoe didn't go, sadded.D; went home with derrick ryan and liyar, the rest stay behind. went home, shower, blog.
liyar please see the doctor, money can be earn but life cannot be. i shall be your fullest support no matter what happens, please chearish what's infront of you and think of it's feelings. no matter what happens i am there for you!:D
in's and out's, up's and down's and around and around the pain has never left, the sharp intake of pain air. it is was physically but not mentally. easier to breathe alone.
ups' and downs', ins' and outs'
i can't speak a word of comfort to other people, i am not special to them, i am not special to anybody but i can try to make you laugh if you let me
this shall be the place where i vent my anger on, people won't gossip about here anyway. i am easily forgotten, i hope nobody mistaken about this sentence. i hope that my everyday smile really convince you that i am really sometimes always that happy. i was never angry longer then five minutes, took much of the blame when things happen, i do feel cheated sometimes, what i am just another person they soon will forget. i can be as annoying as i can be to other people, which leaves only a small impression to them. i don't really wanna be in a place where i get lots of attention, so i can't plan out my everyday and every time move like a lunatic. i can only sometimes be myself when i am truly alone. i am not the kind of person who's just plain stupid, i know things that i just pretend not to know. it is a habit, please do not be offened. but i do really feel left out even i tried my best to fit in, i feel like i was physically but not mentally with them. i hope someone understands. it is really tiring for me to continue this.
i decided to use my friends' favourite colour, purple, for my words. i don't really like purple. In fact i hate it, yeah , no offence but i hate purple. yesterday's tution was fun, i got sacastic to an unknow boy. haha but he didn't take notice cause i am just joking:D
recape the past few days, notice roy went emo for no reasons, i didn't ask him what happened, win jun hong chem by a fucking half mark, did roses with pei yi, tickle rou xuan , vivien and alicia. oh and got fucking irritated with that stupid cat from NPCC. that fucker, i shall ignore him. what's more? erm, got some funny ugly pictures of alex i don't dare to post, (pei yi took them) erm...bully rande, break friendship with yuzhuang, gave some roses to them, and now i am goging to aplogised to the ones i never give roses to like rou xuan vivien alicia and pei yi sorry guys!
not much i feel like talking about.
it is earier to breathe alone, the sharp intake of air i took was pain when i was not in there mentally with them.
just take everything like it has not happen, it's the good for everybody.
blogging late at night, tired i think, i am in the rush of making everybody's valentimes gift, thus, i may make a little lesser then i originally planned to, cause people kept taking away from me;D haha.
i think i will make 33 at least, i think haha. those who have taken may not be taking more for me, sorry but i have not enough give out. yeah so please be a little pation guys i am not pian xin de cause you know i love you guys! haha
it is easier to breath alone
it's hard, to breathe in the circle, that i did not understand what they are not trying to tell me. it's really hard, to watch my every move, my every action that i planned it myself, but all i get was a downpour of insensitive remarks, that i tried my hardest to ignore it, push it away, telling myself that i shall pretend that everything has not happened. this is getting way too tough, i felt that i was bullied,( that is probably bullshit for you) i felt the unwelcome emotional stress i was having. i really really hate this, why can't everything or everybody just let me off, reducing the insensitive remarks, just let me be myself instead of watching my every move, telling myself that or this all the time, every single minute, just to avoid people's negative remarks. now i am feeling light headed, i feel nauseous. it's hard to breathe in the circle i have know for only two months in a circle that they have know for years. i just wanna wash my hands out of this for once, running away seems to solve the problem. it's damn fucking hard to breathe in the last circle i have been for two years straight, i just wanna see people laugh not really with me but just plainly see them laugh, i do not need to laugh, i do not need a best friend, i just need me alone to dsee the world laugh, and not telling me insensitive remarks and swears. Forget it , what is the use if they know, they probably just treat me the same way, i am nobody, this is way fucking hard.
Yesterday vivien,pei yi,charmaine,yanting,rande,yuzhuang and me went to miss siew house to visit. we miss rou xuan, alicia and liyar cause they didn't join for some reasons. mrs ng's house is very very pretty:D it is really reallly pretty:D we get to take a look at her wedding photos;D it was beautiful, 接婚的女人是最美丽的:D haha i took photos of all of her wedding ablum but i shall not upload in here;D besides that we ate pizzas and kfc. After that they (expect me) with two other seniors play by-luck i think:D i was absorbed in the computer;D rande got to call me two to three times before i replie;D i do not know who is the unlucky one who lost the most nor the luck one;D but i heard that they had fun. After that we took alot of pictures,i shallnot upload in here too cause i learnt my lessons. haha erm, i do not remember the funny parts expect when pei yi kept calling vivien her chinese name and miss siew said 妈妈 and 抱抱. the rest i could not remember sorry.we took the train home and went on our seperate ways;D
after that i went swimming, blah blah blah loads of things happened:D mainly training stuff:D then i went home and ate leftover rice and curry for dinner:D i used a rice scooper, it was fun;D
i did my art and all of the homework. i am the mist of perparing the V-day :D
