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today ws fun, i never knew i and eyra had almost the same thinking, or rather interes. talking to her is easy :D
i wonder if anyone would read my empty blog, expect for pei yi with a glance. :D i wonder who else would come here? :D
dead tired after 6 hours of tution D: i would never try that again, so now i am having abit of my social life :D blogging...
in school now blogging. so long so far, new gossips now drama new haters :D conflicts always happen. i hate fakers. hate liars hate pretenders. drama drama drama so funnnnnnnnnn ~
my day was like lemon and honey. :D
sugar and spice everything is nice :D
my day was like lemon and honey. :D
i am dying for an answer. i am dying for the truth. i am dying for everything. i am going to give up of attention seeking idiotness. i cross my heart.
i am at loss. who should i turst. i don't want to think about it but whenever i look at them i occurs to me that they may be lying. lies fakers. which is which?
what if everybody is lying to me? even my closest friends? what if only i am the only one not knowing the truth? it is not fair, people are not telling me anything, treating me like a fool. i really want to know everything. although i am not important but i still have the rights to know the truth. i am not bother that whether you hated me or not. i am not bother for you to misunderstand me, cause i know when i explain it is useless. i am really cluless to everything, even what you are thinking. thought it is writtten all in your face. i hate it when people give me faces and still lying to me. so who should i belive in? you or you? i hate it when i am at a lost. only i can shout out with not a decent replie back. kill me just kill me now.
i am confusing myself, who should i belive in? she or everyone. lies or truth? i am naive. i trusted every single of of them. will i get betrayed or i am the one making them to betray me. am i the one at blame. confuss confuss. haha! :D what am i to do? act normal and pretend like i known nothing. or concious about their little secreat?
it seems like i have post a million times today (in reality it is only three), mixed emotions, feeling to 'betrayal'? to a wonderful lost of whether to belive one again. the lies she told or maybe she has mixed emotions like me. should i belive her. no them, i cannot see through them, oh how i wish i could :D haha. if i only knew what they are thinking, by then we will be a happy class. no i should not know what they are thinking, it should be what they are feeling.
can i EVEN call it lies? seems so fake, everything seems so fake.
maybe some things can't be seen when i really want to see. maybe somethings are way too complicated for my pea size brain to understand, maybe we are innocent as the way we look. i am thinking too much just now am i? headache...
i don't want to know the rest. i really don't like fakers. i really don't want to know the rest of the things they talk about. i am not bother, since i have known it or felt it ages ago. people don't appear the way they look or i think, it kinda disappoints me cause i really like them. so... i am like in a corner looking at them and think woo! okay that was a huge blow to me and it was pretty unbelievable. still they don't do hates :D ha ha i am open minded and consistently thinking about the good things of them instead of dislike them. i can easily search for a good one. but won't i say bad about them, i belive i can like them and let them do what they think or say of me. i don't mind cause i can't make to whole world to like me, but still it is still ubelivable... :D shocked shocked! :D people should stop being so... you know what and be open minded. :D but not like me. haha
you fucking made me. i have no choice
question me, do you like your class? yes! of course! who doesn't? But i don't get what they are thinking sometimes. i feel so... so, i don't know, at lost? i can't figure out they are happy or sad. i can't figure out whether are we united or not. i can't even figure out why there are such things as classroom politics (quote by alex):D. what else? erm... what about i am constantly feeling hatrated within each groups. why aren't we together like other classes? ... but we are still a ahppy class :D we got all the almost same grades! :D lame... haha but I LOVE 4E5! WHO DON'T? :D IF OU DON'T, GO HELL!
feel so fucked up, thanks alot. i have been negleated. yeah cause i can't go out much often right? never mind. i am nothing just thin air. you me throw me away. how many times has this happened? loads. what do i feel? numb, no pain just dissapointed. dissapointed that you took me for granted. it is not the affection you show me. but the little things you do makes me hurt. so what affection you showed me? lots of affection but feels fake. not insulting you . but if i got no affection but the little things you remembered thank you. action speaks louder then words. i rather no affection but simple things like remebering my exsistance will do. not everytime you notice i got something wrong then ask me.thanks thanks very much. thanks you for using me in the first place, not notcing my action, thanks alot my firends i am so fuck up.IGNORE ME, IGNORE MY POST, I AM JUST VENDING ANGER DOWN HERE. YOU CAN ONLY LOOK THE FIRST PART. FORGET THE REST.
i want it all to end, i wish i am not so helpful again. it sucks being me. everyone is just using me in the first place. this is so not fair.
